If you want to go with Doonan's taxonomy, there are examples of chaps that can be as lesbian as wheat germ or porridge, but for every example of that, you images like the one the right.X-Men is a 2000 American superhero film directed by Bryan Singer and written by David Hayter from a story by Singer and Tom DeSanto. Like, are they even pants? They are worn as pants, with nothing underneath, sometimes. The Pant That Broke the ScaleĮvery time we thought we got a handle on chaps, we found evidence that said different. The tightness, the colors, the moose-knuckling-jeggings, you are clearly the most homosexual pants on the planet and in some ways sort of need an NSFW tag. It's old and fierce, is what we're trying to say and its gayness has been touted long before extinct gay touchstones like Will & Grace (yes, there was an episode dedicated to Will's too-tight jeans) and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. The designer jean is the T-Rex of gay pants.
vxs2QfvOuQ - Michael Keller JKinsey 5: Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual. But the pant, as Scarborough and Weiner found, can come in brighter shades like "Nantucket Red", whatever color you want to call Weiner's pants, all the way up to yellow-which would make this pant out gay the trouser any day:Īnthony Weiner at the #DOMA gathering in w. The strange thing about this pant is that it can be as heterosexual as pants come-some cuts do no favors for your backside, and they can be pretty bland. Kinsey 4: Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual. Make no mistake, these pants can be very gay-and it's no coincidence that a ( warning: TOTALLY NSFW) genre of gay porn dedicated specifically to suits and formal work attire. What determines whether or not a trouser is gay is fit which can be either very forgiving or cruel to a man's backside. Since they're business attire, the color variation is pretty limited. Kinsey 3: Equally heterosexual and homosexual And some men think it necessary to fill these pockets up, which creates a lumpy aesthetic. Yet cargo pants are armed with five-six pockets. Kinsey 2: "Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual." The pleated khaki is such a heterosexual, unstylish pant that both heterosexuals and homosexuals have sworn them off.
Kinsey 1: Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual." The unforgiving dad jean is indiscriminate in embarrassing its wearer-both President Obama and Mitt Romney, who are dads, were seen wearing dad jeans on the campaign trail. It fails to meet the gay criteria on all fronts-fit is minimal, burliness is expansive, and color, oh that color. The dad jean is the least homosexual pant on the planet. "Look at that hot guy in dad jeans," said no one ever. Mind you, each subset of each Kinsey category has its outliers and there my be variances determined by the tightness of the pant: Kinsey 0: "Exclusively heterosexual." Using those metrics: fit, cut, burliness, and color, we've come up with a completely unscientific Kinsey scale of pant homosexuality. Without missing a beat, the staffer responded, "Well, your pants could be tighter." "How do I look?" Weiner asked a gay campaign staffer. Weiner noticed this effect too, but a Weiner campaign staffer noted that fit is just as key as color: To that, Scarborough noted this morning that he believes that color has a determining effect on the gayness of a pant and that the Nantucket Red pantone made his pants homosexual. An easy way to think about is sushi to a smothered burrito. In January of last year, Barney's Simon Doonan made the assertion that inanimate, particularly food, can be gay. Doonan said that gay food is lighter, brighter, more artistic, art-directed and lesbian or heterosexual food is heavier, droopier, burlier.
But this brings us to this necessary question: What makes pants gay? Are they born that way? Nature or is it nurture? Is the pant or the wearer that makes it gay? Weiner, going by what he's told women in the past, is obviously not gay. Similarly, Anthony Weiner's choice of bright-red pant at a DOMA ruling rally earlier this summer, and Weiner's own comments about them prompted The New York Times's Lawrence Downes to ask: "Is he really saying he hasn’t had time to change out of his gay pants?" Scarborough's sartorial choice of wearing salmon-colored chinos caused people like Joy Behar and conservative blogs like Townhall to dub his pants homosexual. But recently, and thanks to political figures like Joe Scarborough and Anthony Weiner, gay or not gay has become a determining characteristic.